Vuosi 2022

Vuonna 2022 irtisanoiduin työstäni, tein 5kk harrastusprojektiani ja löysin sattumalta uuden työn sen sijaan, että olisin palannut vanhaan organisaatioon.

Vuosi päättyy toivottomissa merkeissä. Jo vuonna 2020 sanoin ettei oikein ole mitään toimenpiteistystä, jolla pystyisin etenemään elämässä ja vuosi 2022 vahvistaa tuota ennakkokäsitystä.

Optimisti sai minusta otteen 5kk ajaksi. Otin palkatonta lomaa rahoitusalan työstä ja tein edupeliprojektia 5kk ajan. Tulos ei ollut elämäntapaa muuttava siinä mielessä, että olisin voinut tienata elantoni sillä palkkatyön tekemisen sijasta. Itse asiassa tulos on aika kaukana vaaditusta laatutasosta.

"I don't wanna know you until all your dreams come true", laulaa Nina ja siltä elämä alkaa vaikuttaa. Paholaiset, joiden kanssa olen kamppaillut vuosikymmenien ajan (ihmissuhdetaidot, toiminnanohjaus) estävät menestyksen. Pitäisi olla enemmän, kuin mitä on, jotta koulutetut tytöt haluaisivat perustaa perheen kanssani. Suoritetut toimenpiteet (ajanhallintamenetlmän käyttöönotto huonon toiminnanohjauksen kompensoimiseksi ja ihmissuhdetaitojen järjestelmällinen kehittäminen asiaan liittyvän kirjallisuuden säännöllisessä lukemisella ja päiväkirjan pitäminen kaikista työhön liittymättömistä sosiaalisista tapahtumista jne.) eivät ole rittäviä kompensoimaan 163cm pituutta ja suorittavan portaan asemaa työelämässä.

Kun en saanut yritystä perustettua Kirotun riimumiekan varaan, niin nyt ei ole mitään uskottavaa suunnitelmaa muutta omaa tilannetta paremmaksi ja vuosien ajan on ollut niin, että nykyinen taso ei ole tytöille riittänyt.

Missä iässä voi sanoa "Fuck it, I'm a monster I admit it!" ja keskittyä pelkkään henkilökohtaiseen nautintoon tietäen, että ei tule olemaan mitään seuraavaa sukupolvea, jonka vuoksi elää tulevaisuussuuntaituneesti?

2021 - Suunnitelma

Vuodeksi 2021 en aseta tavoitteita. Saatan asettaa tavoitteita vasta sem jälkeen, kun koronapiikki on otettu ja palaan toimistoon ja saan taas puhtaan jaottelun työhön ja vapaa-aikaan.

Yleinen fiilis elämässä on, että olen kokeillut kaikenlaisia asioita eikä mikään oikein toiminut. Minulla ei ole täksi vuodeksi mitään näkemystä, mitä asioita minun pitäisi tavoitella saadakseni paremman lopputuloksen. Olen kokeillut palkkatyötä ja olen kokeillut säästää ja irtisanoutua ja tehdä omaa projektia, eikä kumpikaan tuottanut menestystä työelämässä. Olen kokeillut lukea psykologiaa ja olen kokeillut tietoisesti harjoittaa ihmissuhdetaitojani osallistumisella ja itsereflektiolla päiväkirjan ja NLP:n avulla, mutta seksielämäni on siitä huolimatta maksullinen.

2020: Vuosi saappaat jalassa

Ensimmäinen tavoitteni oli laittaa mökki siihen kuntoon, että sinne voi vain mennä. Tämä onnistui yli odotusten. Maaliskusta lähtien olen asunut mökilläni. Syy on putkiremontti. Kerrostalokämppäni vesilinjassa havaittiin ensin vuoto, jonka takia lämmin vesi laitettiin poikki. Sitten piti muuttaa pois kuivauksen ja korjauksen tieltä. Sitten saman taloyhtiön toisessa asunnossa havaittiin vesivuoto ja päätettiin yksittäisen vesilinjan sijasta kunnostaa koko talon putket. Tätä remonttia ei edes aloitettu v. 2020 aikana. Nyt olen viettänyt vuoden saappaat jalassa aina ulos mennessäni.

Vuoden toinen vastoinkäyminen on ollut korona. Syksyllä kävin kerran viikossa lähityössä, mutta muuten on ollut voimassa etätyöohjeistus. Itse pidän siitä, että työ ja vapaa-aika on tiukasti eroteltu sekä ajallisesti että tilallisesti. Etätyössä saa 20% korkeammalla ruutuajalla (työ + itsekuriton netin selailu) 20% vähemmän aikaiseksi. On toki työvaiheita, jotka sujuvat paremmin etänä, mutta myös huonommin sujuvia työvaiheita, kuten perehdytys.

Toinen tavoitteeni oli julkaista edupeli. Se sujui ennen koronaa hyvin, koska minulla oli mahdollisuus tehdä 4x10h päiviä. Työstäni jää jälki versionhallintaan ja viestintävälineisiin joten ei ollut mitään epäselvyyttä, teenkö oikeasti 10h päivää vai vietänkö vain ylimääräisen vapaapäivän. Yleensä jos koodaan viikon, niin lauantaina etoo ajatuskin koskea käätäjään. Siten 4x10h-järjestely oli erittäin tärkeä tekijä tuon vuositavoitteen saavuttamisessa, koska se kaksinkertaisti päivät, jolloin oli mahdollista edistää projektia pitäen välipäivän. Koronan myötä en ole saanut aikaiseksi edistää projektia ja vuositavoite epäonnistui.

Before loneliness will break my heart...

Ihmissuhde-actioniä on ollut tänä vuonna paljon vähemmän ensisijaisesti tapahtumien peruuntumisten takia ja toissijaisesti siksi, että vaatisi enemmän viitseliäisyyttä lähteä radalle, kun peseytyminen edellyttää suihkussa käynnin sijasta puulämmitteisen vesipadan sytyttämistä. Liikenneyhteydet mökiltä Tampereelle ja Hämeenlinnaan ovat sinänsä erinomaiset.

Yleisesti ottaen koronaeristäytyminen (koska tapahtumat peruttu) on tuonut mieleen huonoja viboja ajalta ennen erästä tärkeää ihmissuhdeoivallusta. Yritykset vongata seuraaa deittisovelluksissa eivät johtaneet edellisiä vuosia parempiin tuloksiin, eli se ei korvaa peruttuja tapahtumia. Ehkäpä sydämmeni murtui ensimmäisen 29 vuoden aikan ennen oivallusta, kun ihmissuhdeasiat epäonnistuivat, mutta en vain huomannut sydämeni murtumista, kun en ollut koskaan tiennyt paremmasta?

Mökki on sinänsä parempi paikka olla koronaeristyksessä, kuin kerrostaloasunto, koska täällä voi milloin tahansa lähteä ulos puuhastelemaan. Myös kevyttä hyötyliikuntaa tulee harrastettua enemmän, kuin muuten tulisi. Alkutotuttelun ja varusteiden hankinnan jälkeen huomaa, että suurinta osaa kerrostaloelämän mukavuuksista ei edes kaipaa.

2020 - Suunitelma

Vuonna 2020 keskityn:

• Kylmällä, pimeällä säällä edupeliprojektiin. Minulla on pitkään ollut kesken pieni vapaa-ajan harrastusprojektina tehtävä edupeli. En viitsi kertoa kovin yksityiskohtaisesti, koska tämä on ollut toteutumattomana päiväunelmana pöytälaatikossa pitkään. Olisi noloa luvata ja sitten epäonnistua toimittamaan omaa laiskuuttaan. Laitan linkin demoon jos saan asiat etenemään suunnitellusti. Haaveissa siintää mahdollisuus tienata elanto tällä niche-projektilla, jonka kohderyhmä on niin pieni, etteivät firmat ole kiinnostuneita tekemään laadukasta kilpailevaa tuotetta.
• Valoisaan, lämpimään aikaan Mökin kunnostukseen. Minimissään mökki pitäisi laittaa sellaiseen kuntoon, että jos siltä sattuu tuntumaan, voi mennä junalla Parolaan sen sijaan, että menee metrolla Haukilahteen ja mökllä kaikki perusasiat ovat valmiina. Tai jäädä mökille tekemään etätöitä. Nyt voi myös hankkia auton, kun on paikka, johon sen voi pysäköidä. Haukilahdessa ei ole. Lisäksi autoa tarvitsee remonttivälineiden siirtelyyn.
• Ennen onnettomuutta tapasin ihmisiä liikunnan parissa ohjatuissa, estejuoksuun valmlistavissa treeneissä ja salilla. Tämä tapa tutustua samanhenkisiin ihmisiin on nyt kadonnut. Se pitäisi korvata vielä määrittelemättömällä sosiaalisella harrastuksella. Priimakandidaatteja ovat kosketinsoiton kertaaminen ja geokätköily.

Vuoden teemana petraaminen

Kaksi tärkeintä haavettani ovat pariutuminen ja omilla projekteilla tienaaminen. Yleisfiilis vuoden 2020 alussa on, että palaset ovat kohdallaan ja suunnitelmat menestykseen laadittu. Pitäisi vain tehdä asioita enemmän ja särmemmin. Taloudellisen menestyksen alku on julkaista edupeliprojekti, joskaan se ei ole riittävä. Pariutumisessa lähestymistapa on jututtaa tyttöjä livenä harrastuksissa, käyttää seuranhakupalveluja ja markkinoida itseään somessa. Jos nämä eivät riitä unelmien toteuttamiseen, niin sitten pitää vain todeta, että parempaan en valitettavasti pysty. Erityisesti en usko, että isot rakenteelliset muutokset (työpaikan vaihto, muutto ulkomaille, tutkinnon opiskelu) korjaisivat mitään.

Teema näkyy monina pieninä asioina.

• Jatkan toimivaksi osoittautuneen ajanhallintajärjestelmän käyttöä. Kehittämistä on aikalokin visualisoinnissa ja louhimisessa.
• Jatkan ihmissuhdetilanteiden reflektointia viimevuotiseen tapaan. Jatkan myös oppaiden lueskelua.
• Palkkatyössä kiinnitän enemmän huomiota myönteisiin mielikuviin. Itse tekemisessä ei ole paljoa petrattavaa. Luultavasti kuitenkaan tekemisillä ja tekemättä jättämisilläni ei tule olemaan mitään vaikutusta palkkaani.
• Rahankäytössä on muutamia kuluja, joita voi karsia niin, ettei se näy elämänlaadussa.
• Kämpässä on paljon turhaa tavaraa, jota pitäisi heittää menemään, minkä jälkeen se on vaivatonta pitää siistimpänä.
• Ajankäytössä pitäisi vitkutella vähemmän ja mennä nukkumaan, jos ei nappaa tehdä asioita. Lisäksi pitäisi keskittyä kerralla muutamaan asiaan, jotka saa valmiiksi ja tietää ja uskoo saavansa valmiiksi, näin välttäen toivottomuuden ja väsymyksen apatian.
• Ei ole tarkoitus yrittää tehdä kaikkea, silloin kaikki jää vain kesken.
• Itsensä markkinoinnissa somessa voisin olla paljon aktiivisempi ja postata tiuhempaan. Sisällöllä ei ole kovin suurta merkitystä. Jos myönteisessä valossa esitetty elämäntapani ei kelpaa kuvina sellaisena, kuin se on, niin ei se sitten kelpaa livenäkään. On kaikkien etu, että shamppanjaa juovat, matkustelevat purjehtijatytöt eivät tuhlaa aikaani enkä minä heidän.
• Venyttelyä pitäisi harrastaa päivittäin pieniä määriä, jotta liikeradat palautuisivat.
• Upotettua tekemistä (podcastien kuuntelua syödessä, opiskelua metromatkan aikana, venyttelyä videota katsoessa) voisi tehdä enemmänkin.
• Juon alkoholia yhtä usein, kuin edellisenä vuonna, mutta pienempiä määriä. Sillä on tärkeä rooli seurustelussa sekä kerran vuodessa luutuneiden ajatusratojen ravistelijana (uutena vuonna.)

2019 - Toteuma

Vuonna 2018 suunnitellusti ostin kesämökin. Oli hauskaa kehittää Kirottua riimumiekkaa istuen oman mökin työtilassa sen jälkeen, kun oli pitänyt yllä mökun kuntoa kaataen koivun sahalla ja kirjaten siihen kuluneen ajan aikakategoriaan P2: Pävittäinen ulkoilu. Puutarhanhoito on mukava ulkoilumuoto, jota on helppo harjoittaa tuntikaupalla, koska siinä pyritään rasituksen sijasta saavuttamaan puutarhanhoitotulos vähällä työllä. Sen jälkeen kun on jumppaillut puutarhassa on hauska rentoitua tekemässä hyödyllisiä ja tavoitteellisia asioita koneen ääressä.

Paneskelin hupakkoja 4 kertaa. Suunnitelma oli budjetoida 200e/kk tähän harrastukseen, jotta tulisi rutiinia "helpotetussa tyttöystäväsimulaattorissa" harjoittaa seksuaalista vuorovaikutusta tyttöjen kanssa ja muodostaaa pitkäaikainen, seksuaalinen suhde tyttöön ja uusintaa kokemuksen kautta mieleen, että olen sen tyyppinen ihminen, joka "ansaitsee" sukupuolielämän (toisin kuin edellisenä 35 vuotena) (ottaen huomioon, että ihminen ansaitsee sen, minkä hän itselleen neuvottelee.) Toteuma oli 50% suunnitellusta elokuuhun asti, eli ihan ok.

Tinderissä oli ensimmäinen viikkoja kestänyt keskustelu. Lopulta katkaisin sen, kun toisella osapuolella ei ollut halukkuutta siirtyä Tinderistä puhelimeen tai kasvoikkain. Lopussa siis mitään ei tapahtunut. Muu jututtaminen tuotti vielä vaatimattomampia tuloksia.

Koko vuoden myös kirjoittelin päiväkirjaa ahkerasti. Menneiden tilanteiden läpikäyntiä ja analysointia NLP:llä ja meditoinnilla tapahtui jossain määrin, mutta kompastui siihen, että en riittävän usein päässyt siihen vaiheeseen, jossa on tapahtunut jotain ihmissuhde-actioniä, jota käydä jälkikäteen läpi. Jotta NLP toimisi, pitää ensin olla palautesilmukka, jota käydä jälkikäteen läpi.

Sitten tapahtui tapaturma. Elokuun lopussa viikinkijuoksussa putosin köysitikkailta (https://www.instagram.com/p/ByFguKnDqyN/) ja mursin kummankin ranteen sekä selästä lannenikaman L2 (3 luunmurtumaa.)

Viimeinen muistikuvani ennen onnettomuuttani on, kun olin n. 2 metrin korkeudessa köysitikkailla. Tätä ennen juoksuni oli sujunut paremmin, kuin edellisinä vuosina. Olin harjoitellut ennen juoksua asianmukaisesti ja pystyin tekemään 4x7 leuanvetoa niin, että puolet leuoista oli myötäotteella ja puolet vastaotteella. Lisäksi pystyin nousemaan tason päälle (false top out) olkapäälihaksilla. Tässä vaiheessa vetävät ylävartalolihakseni olivat väsyneet muista kiipeilyesteistä. Kiipeäminen köysitikkaita ylöspäin oli sujunut helposti. Alastulo olikin sitten toinen asia. Vieressä minua pienempi ja vahvempi tyttö toisilla tikkailla sanoi, että kiipeäminen oli helpompaa, kuin alastulo. Huomasin tämän itse tullessani alas. Jotenkin narutikkaat epävakaina taipuivat epävakaaseen asentoon ja aina jalkaa alaspäin siirtäessä tuntui, että perkele kunt on raskasta. Viimeisessä muistikuvassa katson alas ja arvioin, että jos nyt tiputtautuu, niin ei kuole.

Sitten filmi katkeaa, en osaa varmasti sanoa, yritinkö hypätä alas vai putosinko.

Seuraavassa muistamassani hetkessä olen jo iskeytynyt maahan ja iskun voimasta vierin sivuttaissuunnassa. Pääni osuu kevyesti maahan vieriessäni. Liikemäärän pysähdyttyä nousen polvilleni ja selkääni ja ranteisiini sattuu. Esteen valvojat tulevat viereeni. Pyydän lupaa mennä selälleni makuulle ja monen pyynnön jälkeen se myöönetään. Mennessäni jaloilla sivuun valvojat sanovat "ainakin hän pystyy kävelemään, se on hyvä merkki" tms. Sitten ensiapu kutsutaan paikalle ja minut työnnetään tuolissa asuntovaunun ovelle. Nousen asuntovaunuun selkä sattuen ja selkää varoen ja menen makuulle paarille. Makaan vartin paarilla, jona aikana ensiapumies käy katsomassa toista tapaturmaa. Kipu vähän helpottaa maatessa. Vartin päästä ensiapumies tulee takaisin. Nousen hänen nostamanaan ylös (en pysty itse nousemaan makuulta) ja hän laittaa kipuvoidetta selkään ja kävelen asuntovaunusta ulos.

Sitten seuraa 48h via dolorosa. Ensimmäinen haaste oli päästä kotiin. Kävelin sujuvasti, joskin hitaasti (25% nopeudella selkään kohdistuvaa liikettä liikeradalla ehkäisten.) Hain vaatepussini viikinkijuoksun säilytyksestä, mutta en saanut sitä auki. Onneksi avulias viikinki avasi sen puolestani. Sitten vaihdoin ylävartalovaatteet. Vetoketjun avaaminen oli haasteellista, juuri ja juuri onnistui. Ei mitään toivoakaan vaihtaa kenkiä ja housuja. Eräs viikinki tuli kysymään, onko kaikki OK. Sanoin, että ei ole, putosin ja sain ensiapua. Kiitokset myös hänelle siitä, että irroitti ajanottosiruni, mitä itse en olisi pystynyt tekemään. Sitten lähdin hiipimään kotiin päin märät housut ja sukat jalassa.

Ovella huomasin, etteivät rannevoimani riittäneet kääntämään avainta ovessa. Odotin puoli tuntia naapurin kulkevan ohi ja avaavan minulle oven.

Hitaan kotimatkan jälkeen kotona join ja menin selkä ja ranteet kipeänä sänkyyn toiveajatellen, että lepo korjaisi vammat.

Sitten huomasin lopullisesti, että everything is not ok. Minulta meni puoli tuntia päästä sängystä ylös seisaalleni. Tiesin pystyväni seisomaan, koska olin noussut ensiapumiehen avustamana paarilta ylös ja kävellyt kotiin. Ongelma oli löytää liikerata, jolla pääsisin makuuasennosta pystyasentoon pitäen selän yhtenä kiinteänä pakettina ja kohdistamatta painetta käsiin. Liikeradan löytämiseen meni aikaa ja eräiden välivaiheiden jälkeen piti odotella kivun menevän ohi. Tuon 30min aikana ennen onnistunutta seisomaannousua mietin, pitäisikö ryömiä puhelimelle, soittaa 112 ja pyytää ambulanssi paikalle.

Arki oli 48h vaikeata. Kännykän lataus sujui vain nostamalla laturi yhdellä jalalla ylös, selkää ei voinut kumartaa. Sukat vaihdoin viikinkijuoksusta kostuneista sukista kuiviin vasta 24h kastumisen jälkeen. Otin vanhat, verttyneet sukat, joiden pukeminen ei vaatinut voimaa ja laitoin ne jalkaan maaten selälläni sängyssä.

Maanantaina kaksi päivää tapaturman jälkeen menin työterveyshoitoon. Sitten vasta tajusin, miten vakavasti olin loukkaantunut, kun minusta otettiin röntgen ja lääkäri kertoi kummankin ranteeni murtuneen (viikinkijuoksun ensiapumiehellä ei ollut röntgenkatsetta.) Minut priorisoitiin muiden edelle ja muiden aikoja lykättiin. Minut ohjattiin Töölön tapaturma-asemalle. Kun selästäni oli otettu röntgen, minut määrättiin välittömästi vuodelepoon, vaikka olin kävellyt tapaturma-asemalle; lääkäri halusi varmistaa, että murtunut selkänikamani ei mennyt selkäytimeen.

Leikkauksen jälkeen vammat onneksi paranivat. Lääkärin mukaan selän luudutusleikkauksesta mene 8 kuukautta, ennen kuin se on täysin parantunut. Pystyn käymään hitaalla hölkkälenkillä kerran viikossa, mutta sen jäkeen selkä varoittelee, että älä tee tätä toiste. Muuten selkä kestää muut, paiti keskivartaloliikkeet kuten vastarutistukset. Olen onnekas, kun ei jäänyt pysyviä kipuja tai liikuntarajoitteita.

5 viikon sairasaloman aikana opiskelin kiinaa, kävelin ja venyttelin, koska kaikki muu tekeminen oli mahdotonta. Sitten palautin asteittain työn ja harrastukset.

Tarkkaan ottaen, vammasta on jäljellä seuraavat oireet:

• En pysty taivuttamaan käsiäni ulospäin punnerruksen vaatimaan 90 asteeen kulmaan kummallakaan kädellä (en leikatulla enkä kipastulla) järjestelmällisestä venyttelystä huolimatta. Voima riittää rystyspunnerrukseen, liikeradat eivät riitä perusmuotoiseen punnerrukseen.
• Puristusvoimani ei riitä vaatimattomassa kulmassakaan siihen, että pysyisin tanssitangolla kahden käden varassa. Yrittäessäni liu-un tanssitankoa alas.
• Lenkkeillessäni lenkin jäkeen selkääni jomottaa.
• En ole kokeillut vaativia selkävenytyksiä ja vatsalihasliikett1ä, niiden sujumaan alkaminen näkyy vasta 8kk toipumisen lopussa.
• Yleinen jaksaminen on heikentynyt. Yleisesti ottaen töiden jäkeen en jaksa tehdä mitään ja viikonloppuna jaksan tehdä vähemmän. Jaksamisen heikentyminen on itsenäinen oire, joka ei mitenkään redusoidu liikeratoihin tai parantuneisiin kipuihin tms. spesifeihin tekemistä rajoittaviin oireisiin.

Lopussa juuri mitään ei tapahtunut. Ei onneksi jäänyt pysyviä kipuja. Liikuntarajoitteet estävät estejuoksun kaltaisen aktiiviliikunnan harjoittelun, mutta toipumisen myötä on odotettavissa, että nämäkin rajoitteet vielä lievenevät. En myy vielä tanssitankoani, vaan vasta 8kk kohdalla, jos en silloinkaan pysy siinä.

2019 - Expectations

More self-reflection

Instead of using time management to perform tasks, I'd like to use more time for self-reflection and reviewing past situations. This will result in doing fewer things but doing more important things better. The two main tools for self-reflection will be writing a private diary and using NLP to review various human relationship encounters from optimistic and forward-looking perspective on how to communicate to others more efffectively in a way that the other people understand and are able to receive.

Minor tasks from 2018

In 2018 I set a challenge for myself to read a book in all foreign languages I know. For one language, German, there are still 320 pages to read. I'm also planning to take the HSK test in March. In addition I've promised to take a work-related certification examination (AWS Certified Developer - Associate.) I'll set more detailed SMART (specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and timed) goals for 2019 once these are off my plate in February.

The Year of Love

In 2019 I intend to make determined effort that girls are attracted to me. If the girls are not permanently attracted to me in a romantic relationship thanks to my handsome height (163cm), athletic weightlifter's physique (able to bench 50kg), extroverted salesman's flirt (trained by years of software developement outside customer interface) and socioeconomic status as a leader of men (still on suorittava porras after 15 years in the IT industry) then at least I can make them attracted to me by the hour in a transactional relationship in exchange to a fraction of the monthly salary I earn.

Summer Cottage

In 2018 I've been regularly using my father's former house as a summer cottage. Having visited it every 3 weeks I've decided that I want to own a cottage also after my father's former residence in Pori is sold.

Fundamentally, the decision is as much based on feelings than rational justifications.

• I've visited the temporary summer cottage monthly, so I know I will find use for the actual one.
• I'm simply more happy waking up in the cottage in the countryside, looking outside from the window to see my own seeing garden instead of someone else's blocks concrete.
• Time log consistently shows that I get more done in cottage weekends. The 2 main factors causing this are: (1) in cottage I exercise more because of "hyötyliikunta" like clearing willows from ditch-sides or cutting grass and (2) less temptation to spend the whole day in playing some stupid computer game, thanks to more options in the cottage.
• I've dream about what I will do with my own house for a long time, although it is still unclear what part of these dreams are daydreams and which once I'll actually implement. Hopefully we'll see that in Review of 2019.

2018 - Return By Choice To Middle-Class Lifestyle

Our lives are defined by how we spend our time. This year I returned to salaried employment, which took most of my energy in exchange for superior monetary resources to live more intensive leisure. Last year, I wrote about a time management system being once-in-a-ten-year realization that year. 2 months later I abandoned the hobby project, deciding that if I can't earn a living income independently in 1.5 years, more time is not going to make a difference. After that I've been applying 3-part time management in work and leasure.

In work, time management has produced results which earned me a hefty Christmas, relevant for my employer but irrelevant for me except as a time management practice which prepares me to seize an opportunity in the future years - an opportunity which may or may not ever arrive.

In leisure, results are mixed. I've been participating in many social events in Pori, Tampere, Orivesi, Porvoo, Helsinki, Espoo, Joensuu and Ilomantsi while also using time management to advance projects out of which 2 have completed (reading a book in all foreign languages I know and training for a second obstacle course run) and 2 have not (publishing the second hobby project and finishing Chinese studies with an official HSK exam.) I feel that this has produced great satisfaction in leisure, but measurable achievements have not realized. At this point it is unclear and only time will tell if (1) time management system is still too unripe for realizing measurable achievements, or (1) I should just abandon those long-term projects and accept that the one-weekend time scale is the real pleasure from time management or (3) the long-term projects will produce profound imporovement on life quality, they just take more time than one year to have the impact.

For the record, here are the once-in-ten-years realizations of my life thus far, just to show that I'm not throwing that name on light grounds.

• 10-20 years: Realizing how thouroughly authority figures misrepresented and lied about how the world world works.
• 20-30 years: Realizing that most human relationship trouble I've hand stems from talking too little.
• 30-40 years: Discovering a time management system which allows me some level of getting things done without someone telling me what to do, even if it still does not allow earning a living independently as an entrepreneur.

Languages

In 2018 I set a challenge to read a book in all languages I know (Finnish, English, Russian, Chinese, German.) I've complete 4/5 of it and expect to complete the German part in January 2019. Next year I'm planning to finish away Chinese studies with a HSK test.

Execrise

This year I ran again Tough Viking obstacle course race. Since I got fired last year just before the race and got employed this year only in March, I've focused on anything but exercise on the 8 months after the race and trained regularly only on the 4 months before the race. Consequently I entered the race in the same physical condition as last year. This year I focused more on running time and less on clearing obstacles, running faster but clearing less obstacles as expected. This year I've been tranining in gym since November and might enroll next year to the race in better condition than ever.

Love

I've had two longer Tinder conversations. While 2 long convos a year does not produce enough practise in the game of seduction, it is still improvement. Chatting up girls in social events has continued as in last year but hasn't produced any sexual encounters. I've also had paid sex 3 times, budgeting one visit each month after finishing the trial period in my job. Paid sex with a sex worker I've met before and I'm familiar with has been the most mind-blowing experience in 2018. Contrary to popular claims, sex is not overrated and porn does not create unrealistic expectations compared to actual sexual encounters. Paid sex has been my biggest pleasure this year and it is just as great as fantasies presented in porn, just in a very different way.

2017 - The Year Of Quiet Desperation

This year totall didn't go as planned. Last year I sent 36 job applications went to 17 job interviews and got one job, from which I got fired after 2 weeks.

The main reason why I couldn't earn my living independently but needed a job (instead of being an enterpreneur on the other side of the negotiation table) was bad time management. In October I made a major breakthrough in time management by discovering by experimentation a time management system, which allows me to put in enough hours in 50% of the weeks. For the next year I'm conflicted between getting a job on the one hand; and trying out that time management system to say "fuck it, I'm a monster, I admit it" and trying to earn a living without working for money on the other hand.

The problem with being a Mensa member in the top 2% of the IQ distribution is that it is difficult to distinguish between you being mentally ill on the one hand from having superior life control enabled by IQ on the other hand; and it is also difficult to distinguish when you are right and everyone else is wrong from you being an asshole and a prick and everyone else being mature.

In the end it of course doesn't matter, because our lifes are mainly insignificiant and meaningless for everyone except ourselves and our loved ones.

In March I got the Russian grammar webiste to the shape where I no longer saw any benefit from continuing its development (as it had too few users to provide ad income) and only sent job applications, landing a job contract in June with Apotti Oy.

This was in a way a fullfilment of my dreams as earlier I've expressed frustration at the meaninglessness of earning living by developing better ways to sell soft drinks for the overweight and payday loans for the poor.

MIHIN HALUSIN PÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄSTÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ!!!!!??????

Unfortunately, I also got fired from the job 2 week afterwards. I'm a bit conflicted about the experience. Is it fate telling me that I have too low social skills for success in career or for my long term life goals? In that case the right response would be to say "Fuck it, I'm a monster, I admit it", to sell my current house and move to a small rented apartment in cheap area and pay it with 4% withdrawal rate from selling my current aparment. That kind of move would seal my fate with women (who wants to date an unemployed loser?) but if my fate is to have too low social skills for middle-class happiness, that would be all about just honestly admitting the fact of low social skills. Or was I just too loud (because of the horrible Whitevector Experience) and overcompetent for the job - both of which can be remedied with the correct attitude?

The major tragedy this year was death of my father 25.2.2017. A week before he had slipped when walking on an icy road and knocked his head real bad. In 25.2 he was found dead at the bottom of the cellar stairs, having either dropped from stairs and hit his head or gotten a brain attack. It was above all a jolt to cross off action in the bucket list now instead of living for the long-term future.

The major breakthrough this year was discovery of a time management system, which despite natural tendency for procrastination allows me to put in sufficient number of hours of work one every other week (I honestly have no idea why it doesn't work every week) to complete projects with number of working hours comparable to salaried employment. Too bad I didn't discover it in my twenties when it would have been really, really useful in studies and in the Finnish Annotator project.

Above all, getting fired from the only job I've had more meaningful that developing better ways to market payday loand and sugared water has highlighted the importance of focusing on one's personal advantage and personal responsiblity of one's own life. Another nudge to that direction is reading Steppenowlf, a story how a man leading an insignificiant and meaningless life takes personal responsibility of his live by personal development effort to devlop social skill. However, it is a bit unclear what personal advantage means. At least it means sufficient income, but what else? One key question is whether bad social skills are a fate that I can't remedy despite conscious training effort after discovering game of talking.

2016 In Review

Work

This year I resigned from my day job in June. I intended to do an ad-funded educational website, a mental continuation to the Finnish Annotator project I did a decade ago. The site has been online for a month now. During that month exactly one reader has arrived to the site through search engines. Consequently I haven't bothered to put any ads there. At the end of December I have been sending job applications to return to salaried employment as I'm obviously not making an income with the site. In this blog I used to easily get random traffic with relevant search terms when when I was writing it weekly. Therefore I thought that with conscious SEO effort I could get to the first search result page in various Russian grammar topics. That turned out to be untrue.

The feature which distinguishes the site from other Russian grammar site are annotations, which make it easier to read Russian text by hovering over unknown words. All grammar and vocabulary topics are presented in sentence context, and all example sentences are annotated. However, Google's guide for webmasters says that sites shouldn't contains hidden or autogenerated text as can be black-hat SEO to make the page match more queries. However, foreign vocabulary annotations are by definition both invisible (until the user hovers on them) and auto-generated, so it harms SEO.

The idea for the site emerged when I took Russian classes and browsed existing grammar websites when writing Russian diary entries to check details of grammar. The sites were mostly old and I thought that I could do better. The learning paradigm behind the site is contextual (all topics are presented in sentence contexts) and behavioristic (later, there will be space-repetition exercises about all topics.) The latest and greatest learning paradigm currently is communicative language teaching (CLT), where the student should have communicative intent when forming sentences. For example, writing diary or a letter or buying an airoplane ticket has communicative intent. Physical textbooks have been doing CLT for decades with their pair exercises. Currently there are about 2 Russian educational programs, which reach CLT level: Livemocha and World of Warcraft. Livemocha is a peer-reviewed essay-writing service and World of Warcraft with Russian language pack is an environment where you have to understand Russian language to advance your character and participate in raids.

If the site had worked as expected, it would have established a feedback loop where I could see which pages bring users and write more the kind of content that interests users, but that feedback loop (palautesilmukka, ei takaisinkytkentä) never started.

The economic background is that my need for money substantially and permanently decreased as I got my mortgage net paid and I wanted to give a shot for earning a modest income without salaried employment. Currently I am sending job applications and writing an improvement to the NLP core of the site. The improved NLP engine will make it easier to auto-generate flashcards (allowing, say, making higher-quality-than-currently-exists flashcards for 10000 most frequently used Russian words with reasonable effort) and other exercises. Also, it will allow pronunciation stress to be marked to the Russian sentences (and manually adding it is too much effort.) However, that feature won't bring any income either.

Mere ad-funded monetization is never going to be sufficient for earning a living. Another way to monetize it could be co-operation with textbook authors to make it a "digital arm" of a traditional textbook, where the authors do not have know-how to author interactive digital content. Textbook-specific content would reuse existing content (for example textbook-specific vocabulary lists which would merely reuse a ready flashcard collection of most frequently used words) and be behind a paywall, accessible with a code in physical textbook.

Exercise - Hapkido

This year I started in Hapkido class. Before that I rode the in infamous Viharatikka 9 tram line for half a year. The line is infamous for drunk tourists returning from boozing trips to Estonia and also for going through Kallio bar area. The loud drunks harassing passangers can be a bit scary, so I wanted to learn some self-defence skills in case I have to choose between witnessing an assault and reading afterwards from a newspaper "drunken asshole manhandled a passanger and nobody did anything to stop it" or shouting "stop it" loud and possibly pulling a drunk from clothes, attracting his aggression toward myself.

Hapkido is so-called dao sport (among many others), which means that following "the way of hapkido" aims to increase practicioner's general wellbeing in addition to teaching martial arts. This is visible in code of conduct, which includes a lot of formal respect; in the 9 rules which include healthy eating, avoidance of alcohol and mental self-control; and in teaching meditation. Hapkido is clearly a straight-edge movement rather than an aggressive movement. One out of 3 black belts who teach the classes is 2 dan in go. When he recounts his experiences as a doorman he takes pride in solving difficult situations by speech judo and not by violence. Those tales started in elementary course, so you could say that speech judo is an unwritten part of the curriculum.

Hapkido includes two sparring forms, kickboxing with light contact (pisteottelu), where strikes mainly demonstrate that you let your guard down or were too slow to evade, giving the other person an opportunity to strike. The other sparring form is wrestling (mattopaini).

Based on my experience of being beaten in a nightclub once, I'd say that the kickboxing training is efficient against typical impulsive and drunken street violence. I don't think it would help me against a practised or determined attacker, though. For example in the recent case where a neo-nazi kicked a man down to street and he died by concussion, there were many places where hapkido kickboxing training would have helped. When seeing the other person run towards you you would have taken a more stable fighting posture, feets separated and center of gravity low. This makes falling less likely and rebalancing steps more likely. Secondly, you might have had time to rise your hand to protect you. Also moving your torso just 10cm away - if you are quick enough to grasp and act, which is dubious - would have taken the edge away from the kick. Finally, in warm-up we regularly practise falling safely, so that practise would have resulted in milder concussion if any part of the practise routine kicks in.

Other execrise

Bought a new pole in July. The older pole was so slippery that I couldn't advance to new positions. However, only in December I've really started to practise. I am behind the level where I was at the end of 2015 after taking classes. My fundamental positions (invert, layback) are more smooth now but I've forgotten most of the follow-up positions. Not sure if I should take classes or not - OTOH I hate the genderbending aspect of male pole dancing, OTOH if I use it weekly for "gymnastic" practise anyway, why not learn a bit more under competent tutoring?

I've been jogging a lot since the publication of Pokémon Go. Now I am in the second-best running condition of my life. In 2004 I once ran 20km as a practise run. In 2016 I've ran 15km once, but in longer trips there is still too much temptation to walk because of soreness.

Languages

In Tampere I ran out of Chinese courses to take. Fortunately in Helsinki there is Confucius Institute, which offers full range of courses to full media literacy. I'm taking a 4th year course. They speak 90% Chinese there. Listening is very difficult but vocabulary is very easy - this reflects the biased practise methods I've used since graduating from Tampere.

Seduction

This has been a year of frustrated attempts in seduction. The women whom I asked for dates (who had all shown some preliminary interest in me) didn't want to go, so I still haven't been on my first date. I also created a Tinder profile and got 4 matches, but after telling in the profile that I am 163cm tall I haven't gotten any matches. Apparently that is a serious handicap in itself.

According to Mystery, a PUA, a man should signal that he is (1) a leader of men, (2) preselected by women and (3) protector of loved ones. In this sense I've improved seduction position by starting to cross the "protector of the loved ones" checkbox this year with martial arts hobby. I haven't found any way to be leader of men, my job applications to manager positions have been rejected (and rightly so as I don't have any experience or social skills needed to perform well in such positions.) One attraction of pole dancing hobby is that mentioning it implicitly hints at being preselected by women, although it is unclear if it comes out as slimy and perverted or as an attractive quality.

Overall, I'm interacting in non-drunk situations quite fluently and am frankly wondering what the hell is going wrong when I seem to do everything right (but alcohol still makes it very difficult to socialize.) Got versatile hobbies for meeting people, weekly social life, ok physical shape, dressing ok, life control ok ...

Hyvinkää shooting and SSRI medication

Summary: This post advocates taking guns away from people who are under psychotropic medication.

Helsingin Sanomat published a long and sad article about Hyvinkää shooting case with 2 dead and many more injured for life. The outcome would have been much worse without a police squad shooting back minutes after the shooting started. Among other things the article tells that the shooter was under influence of fluoxetine, an SSRI antidepresant

.

Out of 5 recent mass killings in Finland (Hyvinkää shooting, Kauhajoki shooting, Jokela shooting, Myyrmäki bombing, Sello shooting) in 60% of cases the shooter has been under SSRI medication. For the remaining 40% medication is not known from open newspaper articles.

This prompted Tapani Sipilä, an emeritus M.D. of psychiatry, to call for review on how much antidepressants are prescribed and to pay closer attention to their adverse side effects (2012) The medication is safe and beneficial for most people to whom it is prescribed, but for some subgroups it either doesn't work or causes aggression or anger as a side effect.

Also professsor Jari Tiihonen's research group studied if psychotropic drugs increase killings. The study had N=959 killers and ten times as many controls. They found that SSRI drugs only mildly increased risk of killing. The effect bordered between random noise and statistical signifigance. However, pain medication significantly increased risk of killing. Also 80% of killers were drunk while killing.

The study is a bit irrelevant for preventing mass shootings, since we can't wait for statistically significant number of mass shootings to happen. Even if SSRIs do not increase regular murdering, they might reduce the barrier for committing a mass shooting in some subgroup with special brain chemistry.

Taking guns temporarily away from people who are under antidepressants, regular pain medication or their withdrawal phase would have prevented 40% of Finnish mass shootings. In Hyvinkää shooter Eero Hiltunen's case this wouldn't have worked, since he didn't use a licensed gun. He started to saw through his father's gun closet until finding a key. SSRI use marks the risk group of mass shooters so well that it is irrelevant if SSRI antidepressants cause mass shootings or underlying mental problems cause both SSRI use and will to commit a mass shooting. It is enough to know that mass shootings can be prevented by taking guns away from people under SSRI medication.

2015 In Review

Past year's goals

• Jogging every day in January: passed. I bought new jogging shoes. Since jogging in the past has caused knee & back problems, this time I went to a proper sports clothes shop and asked for the salesman to recommend shoes. They were more expesive than the supermarket shoes, but it was worth it. I did short jogs in 6 out of 7 of days in January and didn' have any health problems.
• Writing something publishable every week: not passed as such. I didn't write any ad-funded site nor blog posts once a week. However, I did join the content marketing team in my workplace, when they searched for new authors to represent R&D. We had blogging training, and I wrote 3 marketing blog posts. This is my first contact to professional writing, with 10-page guidelines to comply with and several peer review rounds. One of my posts was even translated to Finnish. I've also written a private haircut diary almost daily. I wrote less than planned but wrote anyway.
• Dieting to 55kg (New Year's goal for 2011): passed.

Sports

I've participated in capoeira classes weekly. In addition, I've resumed pole dancing hobby this year. I've gone to a class about once every 2 week for half a year now and made progress to Level 2, where Level 1 is introductory class to which anyone can attend and no background is needed. Level 2 requires a stable invert (where you are head down on the pole, supporting your weight by pressing your legs against the pole), which is a common starting position for other moves.

Languages

This year, I've translated small part of daily, private haircut diary to a foreign language on about 1/3 of days. This is my new paradigm for maintaining language skill. I've also reviewed some languages, which I learned a little but had forgotten because of unuse, to a level where I can maintain them with this new maintenance routine.

I participated in Russian course in the spring, and now in the autumn I've participated in some Russian World of Warcraft raids, a new milestone in practical fluency.

Memorable events of 2015

Gymnaestrada

Gymnaestrada is an international rhytmic gymnastics event, which is organized once every 4 years, always in a different city. Professional and amateur gymnasts from all over the world come to perform and watch for a period of two week. Their age varies from preschool to pensioners, but "prime hobby age" people around 20 form the biggest block of participants.

To describe the atmosphere, Gymnaestrada is a superior alternative reality where everyone is more organized and active than normally. The infamous viharatikka 9, which often carries loud drunks and lowlife among its passangers, was for once clean when it was half full of people in their Gymnaestrada jump suits, which seamlessly combined national pride with international co-operation. While the Gymnaestrada area did have a beer stall, it was a minor sideshow unlike in rock festivals. The event also blurred the line between audience and performers. Each performance started and finished with the gymnasts and audience together performing playing the Official Choreography of the event, and when I talked to people next to me, more often than not they had participated in some performance of their own, even the over-50 ones. As Urho Kekkonen said, "All reasons not to exercise are excuses." In the Gymnaestrada alternative reality, even the elderly maintain their fitness with regular exercise and men and women can meet without excessive alcohol consumption (at the end of one perfomance a male gymnast proposed to a female gymnast.)

Sexhibition 2015

This porn festival feature a main stage, a side stage and lots of sales booths tangentially related to sex (from which I bought nothing.) Mr. Lothar's side stage had traditional striptease performances relying on nakedness. That was boring and I don't remember anything worth mentioning from it.

The main stage had well-scripted, intricately costumed striptease and burlesque performances. The most memorable was a pole dance performance by Zara & Tiina (the video is about the same Tiina in different show.) The cheesy script was about batgirl facing off supergirl, ending in nakedness in the end like a good striptease is supposed to. I was often the first one to clap at demanding pole tricks, as others didn't identify them as anything special.

This was also the first time I saw male striptease. A "South American exotic" dancer dressed in gladiator suit took a voluntary woman from the audience and performed various striptease moves. On the one hand he had sex role differences clearly thought out (performing a masculine "defender of the loved ones" role, and using calm, measured, self-confident movement language), on the other hand it surprised me how showing off her body and shaking ass in front of the female volunteer played such a big role. I thought that purely meat-based arousing only works when a female does it for a male, but apparently it also works the other way. The lessons learned might turn out useful if I ever reach a level of skill in seduction and pole dancing where I can invite a girlfriend candidate to watch a hot pole show in my apartment.

I lost my virginity at 33 after paying for it.

In August 2014 I finally put on my Playboy underpants bought from India and visited a prostitute as planned in 2012. Found her number from sexwork.net. She resided within 30-min walking distance from me.

The best adjectives to describe the experience are "awkward" and "embarrassing". The song above captures well the atmosphere of embarrassment combined with pride of reaching an evolutionary milestone (after all, we are sons and daughters of people who passed on their genes to the next generation.) After following instructions on the phone and opening a door to a flat, a thirty-something, tall, slender woman greeted me. I had ensured from reviews beforehand that she was a competent professional, so I would only have to deal with my own embarrassment and inexperience and not with criminality or willingness to ruse money without providing service in exchange. After I showered she guided the naked me to the bed and joined soon afterwards, naked herself. As is normal (based on escort reviews) she started with a hand & blowjob to make my organ ready for the intercourse, and then mounted on top of me. However, because of extreme nervousness I wasn't in sufficiently aroused state to finish inside her. It finished with me wanking while squeezing her and looking her to the eyes. Psychologically, it was a stronger experience than I expected - not only the extreme nervousness during the visit, but also for several days afterwards I didn't feel the normal arousal when walking in the street and spotting a particularly attractive female. Objectively speaking there wasn't anything to fear or be extremely nervous about, as it was all legal and hygienic.

When I was younger I had to try everything once, including visiting a strip bar. I didn't like it at all. The women behaved as if they were robots, which had been scripted to switch of all their natural instincts and replace them with money-optimized behaviour. In my head there is a subconscious model of how people to behave, and the robot-like behaviour of the strippers made it scream red alert, "people just don't behave this way!" Later in the pole dancing circles when I ran into people who had earned money by stripping, their behavour wasn't strange at all and fit well into normal variation of how people to behave, so it was the strip bar environment, which caused freaky behaviour.

By contrast, the prostitute behave like any professional working on customer's body would, showing also muted negative emotions like frustration and boredom that were natural reactions to the situation. Only the arrival to the scene, with extreme care not to reveal the exact address on phone beforehand, hinted that the apratment rental probably included something to hide. Otherwise she seemed to have everyhing together in psychological, hygienic and legal aspects of her work.

Note: I wouldn't write anything like this about possible future significant others or other identifiable persons. I'll respect their privacy.

2013 In Review: Love

Summary: Progress in social skills does not yet show up as progress in love.

I've said "Hi!" to girls in the kitchen of the new employer when warming microway lunch, and I have naturally come into contact with new girls in the capoeira and language course, but haven't made any effort to seduce them.

At work, I had one longer 20-minute chat with a new girl at the nearby food court where we went for lunch. She seemed somewhat enthusiastic about the chat, but we haven't met after that.

I still haven't visited a prostitute as planned in 2012.

This year I had my first drunken hugging experience at a bar. I went there with 4 acquintances after an event. When the others had left, I started conversation with 2 women slightly older than me in the table 50cm away. One of them spontaneously hugged me and I reciprocated, which made it repeat after some minutes. Being too drunk to think straight and having gotten fired under a week ago, instead of trying to exploit the opportunity to get laid I asked "why are you hugging me when you have a ring in your hand?"

That experience (and others) convinced that my social skills have markedly improved and I could find love if I went to bars with the same frequency as in my twenties, but have little motivation to do that. Overall, lack of focus and motivation are the main things holding me back. I wouldn't know what to do with a girlfriend even if I got one, and imagining long-term dealings with bar drunks is downright scary.

2013 In Review: Hobbies

Exercise

In the spring I went actively to gym. In autumn I joined a capoeira course based on recommendation from an acquintance. During this year I've lost weight from ~64kg to ~58kg. The New Year's goal for 2011 of 55kg is still out of reach.

Clearly my subconsciousness is telling me that pole dancing is not for me (I don't even have a pole installed, based on ridiculous excuse that I had to take it away temporarily for a renovation) but I don't have other sports goals either. It would be nice to have some goal to daydream about, but it would have to be a honest goal that gives self-discipline to take action beacuse the goal is worth reaching for one reason or another, not just any "you optimize what you measure, that's why it's important to have a goal" goal.

Capoeira classes are a nice form of bodyweight exercise. Capoeira is a kind of bodyweight exercise game, where the movement sequences start like go josekis with standard moves, but the better player can twist them in his favor. The martial art background is visible in narrative justifications ("You can't do that since it gives the other player too easy opportunity to punch or kick") but they have little or no bearing to actually protecting yourself. Frankly I still don't understand what the capoeira game played in roda circle is all about. The downside of capoeira is that musical playing resembles musical pre-school, making it downright embarrassing, and with the same effort, I could be learning an actual martial art. The upside is that it trains the kinds of handstand tricks, bodyweight fitness and quick agility which would be useful in pole dancing floorwork (if that wasn't a thing of the past.)

I'll continue it in the spring because I don't have honest exercise goals and because it gives me motivation to actually exercise instead of finding excuses why not to.

And I want to learn those advanced handstand positions.

Russian Language

Ten years ago I self-studied some Russian and went to 3rd year Russian course horribly underskilled, only to drop from it. So I had not completed a single Russian course before.

This autumn I went to a 2nd-year course, again badly underskilled, did plenty of effort to learn and ended up mid-skilled. It was nice to see progress - having trouble with basic discussions in the beginning, and in the end doing them as well as anyone. Loking at the first chapters and thinking "Was THIS really difficult for me just 4 months ago?" Going to wrong class worked as intended.

The background for this is a doldrum in Chinese self-study - I haven't made progress for a year and wondered if taking distance and seeing effective study would change it. When I return to Chinese study some day, I'll put much more effort to writing, which is important for long-term memory.

World of Warcraft offers Russian language pack for European customers. I made a character, тосивахва pandaren mage ("tosi vahva karhu"), and immersed myself into Russian-language world. It has been very effective in putting in the hours and learning new words, but the vocabulary is somewhat silly.

2013 In Review: Work

A lot happened to me at work in 2013. The company I worked for (6 employees) was sold to a bigger one (~150 employees) and I got fired.

I jumped from joy thanks to getting fired, since it made me eligible for unemployment benefit, and since I didn't get on with a strong personality running the 6-person company and his unprofessional behaviour, which included among other things alcohol use during working hours, until I complained about it, after which I got very cold treatment.

I had already sent applications for new jobs, and went to a job interview in January. However, I didn't go 'all in' with job search since many jobs look like they could be just as silly (job ads that look for a 'coder' to work for a never-heard-of company, rife with grammar errors, asking for 10 years of experience in technologies which have existed only 5 years are unfortunately quite common. When reading these job ads, my first idea is "if you can't write a grammatical job ad, why should I trust that you pay salaries in time and treat employees professionally?") and frankly the time on unemployment benefit after getting kicked out from Nokia's subcontracting chain was the best time of my life for 5 years.

After getting fired, my masterplan was to spend 6 months implementing an economically unpromising piece of software, hoping to earn a living from it in daydream, unicorns-and-rose-petals scenario. However, the mid-sized company firing me hired me back after 2 weeks. Maybe I made a mistake accepting this "boring and safe" options but I have a mortgage to pay - after I have a net debt free house (which is not ten years away if I refrain from foreign travel and car) I have much more margin to make financial risks.

Now I have accidentally ended up in the best job I've ever had. The purpose of the job is still frivolous ("the best minds of our generation are figuring out how to make users click on ads") but I have more freedom and responsibility than ever before, my salary is paid in time and people around me behave professionally. Many of my coworkers are quite sharp and unlike five years ago in the mid-sized subcontractor, are able to talk about topics more abstract than cars or sports.

Hetero Pride!

To counter the gayification of popular culture and media, right-wing activists arranged a Hetero Pride parade in Helsinki 21.9.2013. At first I thought it was hilarious trolling, but media reaction proved that the parade was sorely needed.

• Firstly, it proved that anti-gay forces really are repulsive. The core of the parade consisted of a neo-nazi group, which posed together in Sieg Heil greeting.
• Secondly, it proved that homoization really has gone too far as the joint forces of police and protesters against the parade outnumbered parade participants.

The paraders claimed that it was about defending traditional family values. Now, I'm all for children being raised by two parents; loveless couples with children staying together using various mature, conflict-avoiding, distance and formality increasing social skills; and reminding that the children raised by single parents statistically face worse life outcomes; and step-fathers are ten times as likely to commit sexual abuse than biological fathers; and emphasizing that marriage is an institution which is primarily about raising children, so only female homosexuals with biological or adopted children should be allowed to marry.

However, the demands of the Hetero Pride parade, like not showing male kissing in prime time TV, had nothing to do with defense of family values.

A coworker of mine went to Berlin to a Jamaican fusion kitchen restaurant, and to his surprise saw homosexual paintings on the walls. That kind of gayification does not pose any problem whatsoever. In a free country, restaurant owners can decorate their place as they wish, and consenting adults can do in their private bedrooms what they want. Gayification is a problem if government uses MY TAX MONEY to advocate pro-gay or anti-gay agenda - by channeling tax money through art funds to fund pro-gay propaganda as in Espoo or in Helsinki at Helsinki Pride or by wasting tax money on frivilous lawsuits as in Russia. Instead, they should send the money back to taxpayers.

Espoo Ciné

This film festival showcased more politically correct SWPL themes than any film festival I've seen. Many films dealed with LGBT, immigrant and disability themes. The most vocal advertiser hyped an organic cider, and the movie ticket was pink. Maybe it got a lot of state subsidies and the man who paid the piper called the tune? I went to see two historical movies.

VIRU - stories from a hotel (2013)

This documentary by Taru Mäkelä centered around Hotel Viru, an Estonian hotel built by a Finnish subcontractor in early 1970s. First, the construction of the hotel was filmed so that footage from advanced Western tools and ways of working could be used as education material. In the eighties Viru symbolized good life for Soviet elites, and travellers brought Western goods and influences to the Soviet union. After Estonia regained independence, the hotel was privatized and lost majority of the staff and cultural speciality. I enjoyed the film since it shows how the movements of historical tectonic plates play out in people's personal lives.

Ende der Schönzeit (2012)

This German historical triangle drama starts when an escaping Jew ends up as a farmhand to a farm where a married couple lives. As a drama film it is perfect: Humans behave according to human psychology. The people who have lived in the same village for tens of years can read each others just right, and are confused and foolish in credible way. The plot could use any number of war-related plot twists - like surprise inspections from Nazis - but instead stays consistent and watertight: the main characters know that an inspection would be possible and take effective measures to successfully prevent them using their long experience of local conditions! That's what humans do.

Unfortunately the film suffers a little from politically correct "preachitis" as immigrants are needed make more vibrant an environment where the patriarchy of white, German, heterosexual males (the root of all evil) beat their wives when drunk.

Facebook Like Ads And Cialdini's Six Principles of Influence

Multi-level marketing companies like Tupperware and Herbalife have used small-group cohesion to gain a marketing edge for ages. Now Facebook "like" ads are tapping into the same social dynamics, and doing it on massive scale to advertise any brands. This post analyzes Facebook "like" ads using Cialdini's theory to show the puppet strings which Facebook pulls to control its users.

Cialdini's Six Principles of Influence

Robert Cialdini is a professor of psychology and the author of the popular science book Influence, which is structured around Six Principles of Influence:

1. Reciprocity: We generally aim to return favors, pay back debts, and treat others as they treat us. For example, if a colleague helps you when you're busy with a project, you might feel obliged to support her ideas.
2. Commitment and consistency: Once we are committed to something, we're more inclined to go through with it because we have a deep desire to be consistent. For example, various foot-in-the-door tactics aim to get you committed to a small deal and then accept bigger concessions.
3. Social proof: People find "safety in numbers" and are more likely to do what they see others doing.
4. Liking: We are more influenced by people which are familiar or similar to us and whom we like.
5. Authority: We are more likely to comply to requests made by people in position of power or who are respected experts like doctors.
6. Scarcity: We are more likely to accept a deal, which is limited or which we temporarily get on favorable terms.

How Facebook Like Ads Differ From Regular Ads

While regular ads show only the sponsor's message, Facebook "like" ads also add a tagline "John Smith liked ConsumerBrand", where John Smith is one of your friends. Out of Six Principles of Influence, "like" ads automatically include Social Proof - at least one of your friends already likes ConsumerBrand - and Liking - someone familiar you like and perhaps even respect and admire, is using ConsumerBrand.

Regular ads have to fall down to milder forms of Social Proof and Liking, for example "million nobodies have purchased this book" or "a household name celebrity is using this product.", while "like" ads can tap directly into product recommenders whom Facebook knows to be familiar to you, tapping straight into the imitational instincts which keep small groups functional.

Hint for Facebook: Show More Credit Card Images

Cialdini's Influence contains one more tip which Facebook could use to move more money out of users' pockets to their own pockets, sending the subliminal message "Buy! Buy! Consume! Consume! Obey! Obey!" and implementing the Boydian satanist principle "the strong rule the weak and the clever rule the strong" even more effectively.

Within modern life, credit cards are a device with a psychologically noteworthy characteristic. They allow us to get the immediate benefits of goods and services while deferring the costs weeks into the future. Consequently, we are more likely to associate credit cards ... with the positive rather than negative aspects of spending.

Consumer researcher Richard Feinberg wondered what effects the presence of such credit card materials had on our tendencies to spend. ... First, restaurant patrons gave larger tips when paying with a credit card instead of cash. In a second study, college students were willing to spend an average of 29 percent more money for mail-order catalog items when they examined the items in a room that contained some MasterCard insignias; moreover, they had no awareness that the credit card insignias were part of the experiment. A final study showed that when asked to contirbute to charity, college students were markedly more likely to give money if the room they were in contained MasterCard insignias than if it did not (87 percent versus 33 percent.)

Freedom Lite

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason was the usual: The company could use my work input but couldn't afford to pay my salary.

Because of the Finnish system of income-based unemployment, in the end, nothing happened. I can still repay the monthly interest and mortgage repayment with the unemployment benefit. Since I don't have any expensive hobbies or a family to feed, the income is quite enough for all practical purposes.

If FREEDOM ORGINAL(tm) means financial independence or alternatively earning an income from your own business that is not dependent on any single customer, then what I have now is FREEDOM LITE(tm): indistinguishable from FREEDOM ORIGINAL(tm) in the short term, but in the long term I will have to earn my income somehow.

Until that, I'm FREE.

If I use the newfound FREEDOM responsibly, I just may find a way to earn an income without working for salary, although that's realistically speaking improbable, because I don't have a proven track record of earning income without working for salary. But a guy can always dream.

And make a concerted, planned effort to implement that dream.