Saturday, November 07, 2009

A different kind of bar evening

Today, I went to Inferno nightclub, a heavy metal disco. I went to pick up women (anticipating mainly rejection) as opposed to dancing (the main thing in electronic music events) and drinking beer (the main thing in non-discos.)

So, my plan and goal was that I'll propose to 3 groups of women, get rejected and leave the bar.

My first proposal didn't count, since the girl just ignored it, probably not hearing it.

The second proposal was to a group of 2 women with jacket (jakkupuku), as opposed to some rock/metal-spirited garment. Naturally their clothes were black, after all this was a metal nightclub. A song started which they liked and they went to dancefloor. I asked one of them if she wanted company for dancing. She said generally that this dancefloor is free-for-all. I said "great". Then I started to dance, trying to make eye contact with her, but she rejected me by moving opposite to her girl pair and dogmatically maintaining eye contact to her. I exited dancefloor after 3 minutes.

In the third case, there was a pair of girls. One of them got picked by another man, and one was looking bored. I went to ask her if she didn't feel bored to stay in place while others danced. While doing this, I noticed that she was probably older than me. I didn't hear what she answered, but she didn't raise from her chair.

The third case was again with the other girl from the jakkupuku group. She was dancing alone in the floor while the second girl was already sitting at a bench. I went to dance in front of her, trying to establish eye contact to start some chat ("You need company for dancing?"). She looked the other way and after 30 secs I went away.

Having reached my quota of 3 girl groups, I went to toilet. A man there started a chat. He asked how my evening was going, and I told that 3 groups of girls rejected me as a dance partner and after further inquiries that I was bored and open to suggestions. He suggested that I should join him and he would introduce me for some of his friends. After me showing enthusiasm he emphasized that I should behave smarter and less enthusiastic and talk less. I followed him.

Then the bad luck stroke. He went to talk to the same 2 jakkupuku girls which both had rejected me. When this tall, handsome man went to their table and laid his hands on the table, smiling, the girls returned with eye contact and the interested smile which I see in photographs all the time but which is never directed for me.

Now I had the opportunity to witness seduction by a natural alpha, but I failed even that. I said that I got rejected by exactly both of these girls, and I probably should leave. This violated his explicit instruction to act more smart and talk less. So I exited the bar...

Despite lack of success, this was a better result than my earlier bar evenings. When me and the natural alpha exited the toilet, a man entered it. This man had been dancing alone in the dance floor, trying to dance opposite to the girls, oblivious to their rejection and lack of reaction. The natural alpha laid some insult towards him ("idiot") probably for his dance floor behaviour.

This bar evening was the first time someone noticed I was making a conerted attempt to pick up girls, and enlisted my support for his own efforts, although I failed at giving this support due to drunkenness and situational factors.

Earlier, that alone-dancing idiot would have been me.


Janka said...

There is nothing that turns me off more than getting the vibe that the person talking to me is trying to "pick me up".

It is not that I do not enjoy flirting - it is that I enjoy flirting with people who make me feel like they enjoy playing *with me*, instead of "at least three girls tonight".

I am under the impression this is not just me, but is general to a lot of people, of both genders.

I have no idea how that can help you, but in any case I figured you should know.

Otherwise, I was disappointed when the story did not end up with the guy in the men's room hitting *on you*. It would have been better that way. :P

Simo said...

Looks like in the future I should start with a neg, after all negs are always situational and personalized.

Anyway, unfortunately I fear I must cause some more destruction around me from the hearts I can not win. If my social skill were going to develop as a natural part of other areas of life, it would already have happened.

Glowing Face Man says that men who learn to interact with women go from asexual phase to the creepy phase before the socially skilled phase.

You can take solace that the comment you gave will to cut out options that don't work and reduce the length of the creepy period.

BTW. I've been hit on by gays twice, and it's awkward.

Markku said...

What you should concentrate first is more general social skills such as small talk and maintaining eye contact. Excercising yoga, meditation, and other relaxation methods are probably a very good idea.

Your biggest hurdle at this point is not approach anxiety but the ability to be relaxed and comfortable interacting with other people in general. But it's very clear to me that you have already made progress during the time I've known you. That progress is likely to accelerate as your comfort level increases.

I don't think you can benefit much from sophisticated PUA concepts such as negging at this point. Negs are compliments that involve an element of teasing, aka backhanded compliments. For negs to actually work, you must have demonstrated some value. A neg is supposed to break resistance by causing a tingle of self-doubt in the receiving end, that is, to move the targeted woman away from her default attitude of defensiveness. If you come across too awkward to begin with a neg will have no effect or make you look creepy.