Wednesday, February 23, 2011

More doom and gloom

Talking about bad scenarios, one I want to avoid is living 50 years alone. Many friends have reached the middle class bliss of having a wife, a mortgage, a spacious car, 2.5 kids, and thou shalt not forget the golden retriever. I want it in the same trivial sense which Jane Austin meant with the opening sentence of "Pride and Prejudice": "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." The only question is how to actionalize the goal - what series of steps to perform to make progress towards it. Here's my current actionalization:
  • Participate in events of The Club to develop social skills and meet people.
  • Answer personals in Deitti.net and OkCupid in the rare instances when something interesting pops up (my sister and her husband found each others through Deitti.net and have since reached middle-class bliss.)
  • Read seduction material like Game for Omegas or Roissy or Mystery Method.
  • Practise pole dancing in order to have a hobby which appeals to the target group.

The pole dancing part needs a little explanation. Dance classes are definitely not places to meet women - rather they are places where girls team up to invent cruel and unusual shit tests to poke at your weaknesses. In fact, I've only had one 10-lesson card (and won't buy a new one until I finish dieting.) Going to those lessons was always a little disturbing.

However, dancing is currently my only interest with any appeal to women, and since I've decided to exercise regularly anyway, the time investment is quite low.

If I ever get to a level where I can make videos or performances without embarrassment, it should increase the number of first contacts that start with positive expectations. Avoiding embarrassment means, among other things, grounding the style in some visual tradition which is not feminine or gay. In that case, the skill is quite comparable to Mystery's magic tricks.

From the perspective of my goals, it doesn't matter if pole dancers are hot or not. What matters is how the target group, non-pole-dancing plain Janes, react to my hobby. At best, pole dancers can be a useful test group or act as social proof, giving me preselection points when I mention them.

Among men, the dominant view is that social skills are like poker: you should hide your goals and intentions while reading other people for their weaknesses. This way you gain or lose advantage from asymmetric information. Many years ago I broke it by mentioning desire for more friends in this blog, and The Scientist metioned privately that he wouldn't admit such things. After that I have been a good boy and followed this principle. Now where is my fucking prize?

The more I look, the more I see signs that relationship are almost a perfect-information game like chess or go for the sharpest females that matter most. For example Roissy's seduction performance didn't drop from describing openly what he did as he did it. Here is how Aretae describes his wife:
Sickness by skin color variations, 3 days ahead of time ("Start superdosing your vitamin D now, you're getting sick"). 10:1 she knows more about what you're feeling than you do, if she can see you (even if your back is turned, and you're wearing a heavy coat). And if she hears you [not me] say "hello" to your wife over the phone, she knows if your wife is ready to cheat -- by means of emotional echoes in your response, whether or not you do. Still pictures of popular trial defendents tell her whether they're guilty.


In the pole dancing school, at least one teacher is really perceptive. For example, once I had difficulty getting a series of moves right. The first time I got it right, she noticed it from the opposite end of the class, probaly without looking at me. Thinking that you can hide your sexual thoughts in a dance class is as foolish as hoping that in a go match, the other player won't see a move. At least some of them can read everthing that matters from your gestures. If you assume otherwise, they will confuse and startle you by showing you your own reflection in snappy comments. But there is one thing they can't turn against you - self-knowledge and confidence that comes from knowing why you are there, what you want out of it and acting consistently and decently.

Currently, none of the 4 actionalizations produces results. The best they can provide is general practise in social skills and a diagnosis of what I need to do differently to find an approach which works.

5 comments:

Janka said...

"However, dancing is currently my only interest with any appeal to women, and since I've decided to exercise regularly anyway, the time investment is quite low."

You just put yourself in my "thanks, but no thanks" category of the male species. Then again, I already am in the middle-aged bliss, so should you care? Maybe, maybe not.

As a piece of advice, though, a lot of women consider the idea that certain things "do not appeal to them" just because they are women quite a turn-off, though. Even when those things, actually, do not appeal to them personally.

Likewise, they consider it a turn-off that someone does things to appeal to "women" in general, instead of showing interest in meeting *other human beings* that might become lifemates.

And they likely will read your blog at some point, when they consider a relationship.

Just saying.

Markku said...

Talking about bad scenarios, one I want to avoid is living 50 years alone. Many friends have reached the middle class bliss of having a wife, a mortgage, a spacious car, 2.5 kids, and thou shalt not forget the golden retriever. I want it in the same trivial sense which Jane Austin meant with the opening sentence of "Pride and Prejudice": "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

It's a mistake to consider any lifestyle choice such as being a family man all bliss. Raising a family has considerable downsides, too, in addition to all the advantages. When your children are small and you have bought a home large enough for your family, you can kiss goodbye your free time and spending or investment money. And unless you're extremely lucky to find a spouse who agrees with you on everything that matters, you can expect marriage to seriously diminish your autonomy: you no longer have anything like complete power over where you live, what you eat, how you deal with your money (spend/invest etc.), where you spend your holidays, how you raise your children, and how you decorate your home. If you get married, you can also expect to be nagged at from time to time. There will be arguments, some times heated ones. Things are not always going to be smooth sailing with your children, either. You can expect to have to deal with many kinds of bullshit from your family members. But what you gain is a deep sense of purpose in life and life-long bonds of love (unless things go very seriously wrong).

Raising a family is not the only worthy lifestyle choice available. A man, an especially a man, can devote his life to many other worthy and purposeful goals, be they religious, scientific or cultural.

Simo said...

> You just put yourself in my
> "thanks, but no thanks" category
> of the male species.

I already know I am in you list of contempt.

> Likewise, they consider it a
> turn-off that someone does things
> to appeal to "women" in general,

Janka: you may be an exception, but for example in this study, a whopping 75% of women changed their "no" to "yes" after hearing that the described man was in a relationship with another woman in general.

> And they likely will read your
> blog at some point, when they
> consider a relationship.

Horrible, they will be able to read from my blog what they have already read from my body language and interactions.

Simo said...

Markku: True, but even those other causes benefit from better social skills. Following this agenda until a better one emerges is good preparation for any challenge.

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