Today, I started the evening by drinking with a friend. Then he went home, and I continued to a disco (no proper band was playing, and I wanted to dance instead of just sitting and sipping bear alone, which is boring).
One woman made eye contact with me and danced as my counterparty for some minutes. She was over 40 years old, clearly past her reproductive age.
No younger woman made eye contact with me during the evening, despite the fact that I spent a lot of time in the dance floor and in some cases the imbalance between men and women was big to my advantage. There are 2 possible implications:
1) My sexual market value is very low, and women instantly see it or
2) I have no idea how to make contact with the opposite sex in drunken bar situations, and this lack of skill is crippling my ability to start relationships.
2 comments:
Implications 1) and 2) are not disjoint or even independent. 2) makes you act in a certain way in the vicinity of females. Indecisiveness of your body language, lack of focus on eyecontact, etc. are read as markers of low sexual market value.
I haven't seen you for awhile, so I cannot be certain about how your bodylanguage speaks nowadays, but in the olden days your demeanor didn't actually signal "Socialite++". You used to avoid direct eye contact and even when you didn't, your involuntary head movement signalled that you really needed conscious effort to make it.
Your signalling with other nonverbal communication was quite mixed, even contradictory. This has no negative effect on social interaction of the type that went on in the circles we used to meet, but around strangers looking for a mate, I think it mostly signals the wrong things.
I mean no offence by this. Sadly, the kind of body language needed is not so much a skill as it is a trait. I have heard some people acquiring it in adulthood, but I do not know how it is done.
This is not meant to cause you despair. I just want to point out that the kind of pseudorandom encounters that take place in discos and that kind of places, are perhaps the kind where you should focus too much energy. In this kind of setting, the "wall" your body language puts up (or at least might; I may be wrong here!) is much more severe a handicap than it is in a setting where the default mode of interaction is checking out for suitable mates.
I meant to say, of course, you shouldn't use too much of your energy in finding a mate in a bar or a disco.
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