Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 In Review: Love

Summary: Progress in social skills does not yet show up as progress in love.

I've said "Hi!" to girls in the kitchen of the new employer when warming microway lunch, and I have naturally come into contact with new girls in the capoeira and language course, but haven't made any effort to seduce them.

At work, I had one longer 20-minute chat with a new girl at the nearby food court where we went for lunch. She seemed somewhat enthusiastic about the chat, but we haven't met after that.

I still haven't visited a prostitute as planned in 2012.

This year I had my first drunken hugging experience at a bar. I went there with 4 acquintances after an event. When the others had left, I started conversation with 2 women slightly older than me in the table 50cm away. One of them spontaneously hugged me and I reciprocated, which made it repeat after some minutes. Being too drunk to think straight and having gotten fired under a week ago, instead of trying to exploit the opportunity to get laid I asked "why are you hugging me when you have a ring in your hand?"

That experience (and others) convinced that my social skills have markedly improved and I could find love if I went to bars with the same frequency as in my twenties, but have little motivation to do that. Overall, lack of focus and motivation are the main things holding me back. I wouldn't know what to do with a girlfriend even if I got one, and imagining long-term dealings with bar drunks is downright scary.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't know what to do with a girlfriend even if I got one, and imagining long-term dealings with bar drunks is downright scary.

What you find in bars is probably not very different from what you find elsewhere. Those same girls who you find drunk in a bar are the same girls who you meet sober in everyday life.

The struggle is far from over if you land a girlfriend. You'll probably get laid more regularly and with less effort than when single but you have all the emotional business to take care of. You will have to endure her mood swings and other type of emotional drama. If you move together, you'll have to deal with all the arguments, compromises and adjustments that living together with someone entail. Marriage and children only raise the stakes to a whole new level. Besides, marriage with children is very expensive for a man. Effectively it is like a 50% pay cut. Your wife is likely to make less money than you while spending more than you and children make none while needing to be fed and bought a new wardrobe every year. Children's hobbies also cost money. The only thing you waste any money on as a single man is bar hopping and alcohol. Those things will be a thing of the past for family men. Marriage means no end for womens' spending ways. On the contrary, as you need a larger home there will be much more space for her to furnish and decorate.

In our modern highly mechanised society where nobody's survival depends on family members and with all the risks and costs associated with marriage (risk of divorce, monetary cost etc.), whether marriage makes any sense whatsoever depends on how badly you want children of your own. Statistically, childen are better off growing up in two-parent homes with the parents married.