Thursday, December 31, 2015

I lost my virginity at 33 after paying for it.

In August 2014 I finally put on my Playboy underpants bought from India and visited a prostitute as planned in 2012. Found her number from sexwork.net. She resided within 30-min walking distance from me.

The best adjectives to describe the experience are "awkward" and "embarrassing". The song above captures well the atmosphere of embarrassment combined with pride of reaching an evolutionary milestone (after all, we are sons and daughters of people who passed on their genes to the next generation.) After following instructions on the phone and opening a door to a flat, a thirty-something, tall, slender woman greeted me. I had ensured from reviews beforehand that she was a competent professional, so I would only have to deal with my own embarrassment and inexperience and not with criminality or willingness to ruse money without providing service in exchange. After I showered she guided the naked me to the bed and joined soon afterwards, naked herself. As is normal (based on escort reviews) she started with a hand & blowjob to make my organ ready for the intercourse, and then mounted on top of me. However, because of extreme nervousness I wasn't in sufficiently aroused state to finish inside her. It finished with me wanking while squeezing her and looking her to the eyes. Psychologically, it was a stronger experience than I expected - not only the extreme nervousness during the visit, but also for several days afterwards I didn't feel the normal arousal when walking in the street and spotting a particularly attractive female. Objectively speaking there wasn't anything to fear or be extremely nervous about, as it was all legal and hygienic.

When I was younger I had to try everything once, including visiting a strip bar. I didn't like it at all. The women behaved as if they were robots, which had been scripted to switch of all their natural instincts and replace them with money-optimized behaviour. In my head there is a subconscious model of how people to behave, and the robot-like behaviour of the strippers made it scream red alert, "people just don't behave this way!" Later in the pole dancing circles when I ran into people who had earned money by stripping, their behavour wasn't strange at all and fit well into normal variation of how people to behave, so it was the strip bar environment, which caused freaky behaviour.

By contrast, the prostitute behave like any professional working on customer's body would, showing also muted negative emotions like frustration and boredom that were natural reactions to the situation. Only the arrival to the scene, with extreme care not to reveal the exact address on phone beforehand, hinted that the apratment rental probably included something to hide. Otherwise she seemed to have everyhing together in psychological, hygienic and legal aspects of her work.

Note: I wouldn't write anything like this about possible future significant others or other identifiable persons. I'll respect their privacy.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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